The Moderation Fairy does not visit our household. In fact, I’m pretty sure she avoids everything within 50 yards of our front door for fear of strangulation by tightly wound web of black and white existence. We cling to schedules and routines, extremities of emotion, fanaticism and obsession. Whether we were born “Type A” or embrace these habits to save us from our own attention challenged demise, it has always worked for us.
Then our son was born.
As a child development and learning specialist, I have lofty ideas about raising healthy, successful children. As a small business owner and working mother of a 5-year-old who has yet to meet a sport he doesn’t want to play and is visited nightly by the 14 Hour Energy Fairy, I often have some choice words for that self-righteous “specialist” referenced previously.
I haven’t totally lost my rigidity in motherhood; I’ve just loosened up a little. I still have rules and policies. The difference is that my focus is on what is right for my family right now, whether now is this year or this second. Everyone’s circumstances, and therefore their expectations, differ. There is no perfect prescription, so who am I to prescribe perfection?
As a Mommyist and a Specialist in Durham, North Carolina, I welcome you to TypeA lite – because sometimes a B+ will do.
Hi Jennifer, I read your piece on TheRoot. It was very interesting. I don’t have children myself, but as a light-complexioned black woman who comes from a black family, but grew up in an affluent white community I incurred my own identity issues later in life. And I’ve thought long and hard about this issue as I have some friends, and family, who are affected by it as well. Perhaps, when Gage is older a more humanistic terminology that you might use in discussions or arm your son with would be binary heritage or binary parentage. I find it accurately describes the two racial cultural heritages that makeup your son’s biology without sounding as terribly demeaning as “mixed.” …I also don’t find biracial to be demeaning, with the exception that, arguably, most — or all — black people are bi-cultural / biracial as we’ve had to assimilate into white culture in order to survive and thrive since being brought to this country.
Just a thought.
Thank you for your lovely, thought provoking comment! Outside of chemistry, the term ‘binary’ is totally new to me. What an interesting way to think of things. I love how the emphasis is on the parental heritage versus putting the onus (not in a negative sense, and for total lack of a better word at the moment) on the child. While I’m very aware of the fact that my experiences are nothing new in this world, as a young(ish) mother, this is ALL new to me. I welcome wisdom and new ways of seeing things, so thank you for the blessing of perspective today!
Race: Human.
It is impossible to know which terms will offend which moms, dads, children. The point is not to figure out language that will never offend. The point is for the questioner to first ask themselves a question – “Why do I want to ask this question?” The asking is an action to assert power. The asker asserts their power over the askee. Children are merely mimicking what they have seem adults do. No one asking these questions NEEDS the information – they are asking the “question” as a way of saying “You are different than the norm and therefore you are a valid target for this question.” It is a social mechanism for identifying members who can be treated less than in accordance with the norm.